I remember it like it was yesterday...
I was a senior in high school, president of every club, a cheerleader, and already finished with all of my high school credits to graduate with honors. I had received over a million dollars in scholarships, had several free rides, and could get into any college I wanted. I never drank, I never did drugs, and I worked hard. On the outside, it seemed like my life was perfect. Until the night it happened.
One night, as I tried to fall asleep after a long day of school and work, I felt my heart beating hard and fast, so hard it was hurting my ribs. My whole chest was shaking. We finally called 911. It was my first-time riding in an ambulance, and unfortunately, it wasn’t my last.
For years I struggled.
My heart rate stayed exponentially high and my body lost significant weight. I couldn’t brush my own teeth, brush my own hair, or even have a simple conversation. I witnessed first-hand how abled-people treat disabled people, the people who they think can’t fight back. I experienced the worst of humanity. I also experienced the best. Amongst the bad experiences, I also saw the angels and saints who bring love and healing with grace and kindness. I focused on the love. But…being in this limbo, not dead and not alive, was the worst, and the hardest thing I had to go through. Being in this limbo is many people’s everyday reality.
I watched myself lose muscle and weight while there was nothing I could do.
I watched myself go from a super star athlete, to someone who couldn’t even brush her own teeth. I watched as some people expressed happiness to see me so sick and withering away and I watched as they tried to take advantage of my weakness. There were times when I thought a quick death would’ve been much preferable to this agonizing, long, inferno. But I knew I had a deeper purpose, and that there was a reason I was experiencing this. I was going to make the most of my situation, even with my immobility. I don’t know how I kept fighting, but I did.
Doctors didn’t know how to help me.
They gave me many diagnoses, without cures or answers, and only lifelong medications with serious side effects with little to no results. “Some people are just sick. It’s just what happens.” I couldn’t accept that answer.
With this realization I had only one objective: to get healthy or die trying. I could let it break me, or I could let it form me into a better version of myself.
I began learning about health. It was like navigating my way through a minefield-- one mistake would lead to my cardiac arrest. I made everything in my life organic, wholesome, and toxin free. I bought the best water filter, organic mattress, and food. And with much work and dedication, I healed.
Later, I discovered I was a Celiac, and I finally had proof of my genetic mutation that most doctors I worked with tried to convince me didn’t exist: The MTHFR gene. I had all the symptoms, so I already knew, but it was such a powerful validation to see it on paper. Some of you may never get validation about your disease, illness, or genetic information, because there is still so much science hasn’t discovered. That shouldn’t deter you from uncovering how to heal yourself or from removing the toxins in your life.
My purpose is to tell the suffering undiagnosed that you aren’t crazy, even if no one believes you. What you’re going through is valid, no matter how dismissive and unempathetic the world can be. And finally,
This illness isn’t your fault.
But it happened.
And it happened to you.
So now you have a choice: to give up, or to pursue healing. It’s now your responsibility to do whatever you can do to take the steps to get better. No one can do the healing for you. Only you and your body can heal yourself. And in case no one has told you;
You deserve to heal.
You deserve to be free from pain and illness. And only you can take those steps towards wellness. I wish I could take those steps for everyone, and for you, but I can’t. I can only point you in the right direction. I invite you to take those steps with me, together, as you continue this program.
These meditations will help you get through obstacle you might face in your life and also on your journey towards A Life With Health.
